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Everything is Not as It Seems: Thinking About Sex Critically

Written by Shelley Sasser

(For Coastal Carolina University's physical wellness edition of Tissue Talk)

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     When you think about “normal” sexual behavior on college campuses, what comes to mind? Maybe you immediately consider characteristics of a friend’s romantic relationship. Perhaps you are in a sorority or fraternity and the basis of your opinion is derived from overheard conversations among members of this group. Many factors may influence our perception of others’ attitudes toward sex, in addition to what types of sexual activity occur and how often, as well as utilization of related preventive health measures. This, in turn, shapes how we view sexual norms.

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     Generally, college students tend to overestimate the level of engagement in sexual activity among peers, which also results in the belief that hookup culture is more pervasive than it actually is.1,2,3 Consequently, our interpretation of such norms contributes to the extent of personal engagement in sexual behavior.4,5 Likewise, consumption of social media content, along with movies and TV shows, plays an important role in how we distinguish healthy relationships and practice consent, along with our likelihood of adopting corresponding risk.6,7,8,9 In fact, exposure to sexual content in movies influences the age of sexual debut and is associated with heightened levels of sensation seeking among viewers.10 On the other hand, positive depictions of preventive health measures may also carry the powerful impact of reducing stigma, serve as an educational starting point to spark further interest in learning, and promote usage of depicted practices or services.11

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     For instance, one study revealed that adolescents who watched an episode of Friends (“The One with the Fertility Test” – Season 9, Episode 21), wherein Rachel and Ross discuss the effectiveness of male condoms after experiencing an unintended pregnancy, were more likely to gain increased knowledge of related topics.12

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In case you were wondering, male condoms are about 98% effective at preventing pregnancy with perfect use, although they are typically closer to 87% effective due to human error.13

 

     Similarly, another episode of Friends (“The One Where Dr. Ramoray Dies” – Season 2, Episode 18) depicts an argument between Rachel and Monica over who should get the only condom in their apartment when both women want to have sex at the same time, implying the prioritization of protection. Lastly, one Sex and the City episode (“Running with Scissors”—Season 3, Episode 11) depicts a main character’s pursuit of a human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) test and highlights various elements of this process with light humor, including review of patient history and the wait for results, which can be anxiety-provoking. In this scene, it is suggested that Samantha had too many sexual partners to count, which may contribute to counterproductive normalization of such risky behavior among viewers. However, the original air date of the episode was particularly meaningful, as it garnered increased visibility for the HIV-positive population and high-risk communities, augmenting solidarity and empathy during a time in which the topics of HIV and AIDS were still profoundly stigmatized. Despite these beneficial examples, many representations of sex on the screen fail to demonstrate or imply use of birth control or other contraceptives, while also downplaying negative consequences which may arise from engagement in sexual activity, such as unintended pregnancy, along with the possibility of contracting HIV or sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Needless to say, it is important to consider that what we see on social media, as well as in our favorite movies and TV shows, can be deceiving.

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The truth is:

               Not everyone is having sex—and definitely not all of the time.

               Relationships are complicated.

               Sex isn’t always magical.

               And that’s okay.

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Additionally, despite how careful you are, there isn’t a 100% guaranteed method to protect yourself from less desirable outcomes of having sex.

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Here are a few tips to improve trust with your sexual partners while also protecting your health.

• Get tested for STIs every six months or after every new sexual partner.​

• Engage in protected sex. Always.​

• Practice affirmative consent (“yes” = yes) and remember the acronym FRIES.

  • Consent is Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific.

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Most importantly, remember that everything is not what it seems. Use your best judgment and try to avoid comparing aspects of your lifestyle and college experience to what you believe might be the norms. Everyone moves through life at their own pace and you are right on time.

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Live authentically and be true to yourself!

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References

1Barriger M, Vélez-Blasini CJ. Descriptive and injunctive social norm overestimation in hooking up and their role as predictors of hook-up activity in a college student sample. Journal of Sex Research. 2013;50(1):84–94. doi: 10.1080/00224499.2011.607928

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2Holman A, Sillars A. Talk about “hooking up”: The influence of college student social networks on non-relationship sex. Health Communication. 2012;27(2):205–216. doi: 10.1080/10410236.2011.575540

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3Lambert TA, Kahn AS, Apple KJ. Pluralistic ignorance and hooking up. Journal of Sex Research. 2003;40(2):129–133. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224490309552174

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4Brandhorst SR, Ferguson B, Sebby RA, Weeks R. The influence of peer sexual activity upon college students' sexual behavior. North American Journal of Psychology. 2012;14(1):111. https://link.gale.com/apps/doc/A281111795/AONE?u=anon~3457ba02&sid=googleScholar&xid=adc6ee7a

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5Lewis MA, Lee CM, Patrick ME, Fossos N. Gender-specific normative misperceptions of risky sexual behavior and alcohol-related risky sexual behavior. Sex Roles. 2007;57(1-2):81–90. doi: 10.1007/s11199-007-9218-0

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6Baldwin-White A, Gower K. Influence of social media on how college students perceive healthy relationships and consent. Journal of American College Health. 2021;71(4):1301-1309. https://doi.org/10.1080/07448481.2021.1927049

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7Coyne SM, Ward LM, Kroff SL, Davis EJ, Holmgren HG, Jensen AC, Erickson SE, Essig LW. Contributions of mainstream sexual media exposure to sexual attitudes, perceived peer norms, and sexual behavior: A meta-analysis. Journal of Adolescent Health. 2019;64(4):430-436. doi: 10.1016/j.jadohealth.2018.11.016 

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8Smith AM, Ortiz RR. How college students interpret and use social media as a potential source of sexual consent communication. Social Media + Society. 2023;9(3):1-16. https://doi.org/10.1177/20563051221147332

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9Chia SC, Gunther AC. How media contribute to misperceptions of social norms about sex. Mass Communication and Society. 2006;9:301-320. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327825mcs0903_3

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10O’Hara RE, Gibbons FX, Gerrard M, Li Z, Sargent JD. Greater exposure to sexual content in popular movies predicts earlier sexual debut and increased sexual risk taking. Psychological Science. 2013;23(9):984-993. doi: 10.1177/0956797611435529

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11Fredrick FC, Meda AKR, Virmani M, Kaur G, Singh B, Jain R. Hollywood and healthcare: Navigating the dual impact of movies on public health. Journal of Community Hospital Internal Medicine Perspectives. 2025;15(3):23-29. doi: 10.55729/2000-9666.1495

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12Collins RL, Elliott MN, Berry SH, Kanouse DE, Hunter SB. Entertainment television as a healthy sex educator: The impact of condom-efficacy information in an episode of Friends. Pediatrics. 2003;112(5):1115-1121. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.112.5.1115

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13Condoms: Types, Use, Effectiveness, and How They Work. Cleveland Clinic.org. Updated November 18, 2025. Accessed February 20, 2026. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/9404-condoms